My last cat had just died. I was drowning in despair. Cat chef I just baked you some shut the fucupcakes shirt I didn’t want a cat. I had thrown away all my cat dishes, cat toys, litter box, Litter Genie… everything. I was done having my heart broken by my cats dying. This was the second one and it was especially tough because she was my mother’s cat who I had adopted a year-and-a-half after my mother died from cancer. I do like cooking shows where I can watch expertly-manicured chefs cook with pristine ingredients and an army of All-Clad pans, but this is NOT how cooking actually works. If I had the Barefoot Contessa’s kitchen, I’d be orgasming too much to actually hold a knife. I think Reality Kitchen would be a gold mine, though, since people could relate to it. Hi guys! Welcome to Reality Kitchen! Today we’re going to make chicken thighs, potatoes, and a side salad.
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First, we’re gonna realize that the cast iron pan Cat chef I just baked you some shut the fucupcakes shirt got left in the sink and has to be reseasoned so we’re gonna use the Ikea pan that everything sticks to instead. Ugh! The salad greens are slimy! I just bought these fuckers yesterday and they WEREN’T on manager special. So, uh, tonight we’re going to make chicken thighs, potatoes, and… canned pineapple. Too bad I accidentally bought low-fat cottage cheese, which is fucking disgusting. If you eat that shit on purpose, you are the antichrist and probably a communist. Cats are supposed to be carnivores, but every single cat I have owned (8 at last count) has loved tomato sauce. I try not to let them eat too much because I put onions in it, but they do love to lick the plate.