With a little twinkle in her eyes as I tucked her in, “Unicorn Dadacorn Father’s day shirt Mommy, I want to die and go to Heaven.” She said it so often that I decided that we needed to address this thing. “Baby girl, you are way too young. You’ll get to go someday. You still have your whole life ahead of you! Plus, I need you. I love you so much that I couldn’t go on without you!” I think that she knew that I couldn’t handle whatever was growing bigger in her spirit every day. She started telling her Daddy what was on her heart. She wanted to be seven, forever. She wanted to be seven in heaven. She didn’t want to grow up. Shiloh wasn’t like the other kids. She was too pure, too innocent. She had been picked on, bullied, excluded. It broke her heart but not nearly as much as it broke mine. The night before she died she was crying. I tried to comfort her the best that I could. “Mommy, this world just isn’t a kind enough place for me.”
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As I undressed her I noticed that both of her elbows, her back, Unicorn Dadacorn Father’s day shirt her cheeks, and her feet were all bruised, some old and some new. I looked her in the eyes and asked her, “What happened for you to get these bruises?” She looked at me with these huge green eyes and told me that “Uncle Jack played kinda rough” with her. My heart sank and at that point, I knew I had to take care to do a thorough assessment. When I took off her little unicorn underwear and examined her, tears came to my eyes. She was crying when I turned to her, and I told her, “No one will ever to this to you again.” She was terribly sexually abused, worst case I have ever seen, let alone on a 4-year-old little girl. I knew I had to hold it together for her so I ran into the nurses’ station and said, “Get the police back here RIGHT now and have them stop for a Happy Meal along the way.